


The Gold Saucer Caper

by irissa



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-28 06:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10077827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irissa/pseuds/irissa
Summary: K', a lalafell adventurer and his friends take on a hunt that has them finding out the truth behind a cheating husband and his mistress, which turns out to be a bit more complicated than even he expected!





	1. Chapter 1

“All right, so we know what we came here to do, correct? Everyone is absolutely clear about our mission? Do I need to go over it again?” K’ asked as he looked around the table as the ever so loud music of the Gold Saucer blared over their ears. Renault, his studious male Au Ra friend, managed to look up from the book he had. Ulu, the ever so hyper lala, managed to peel her eyes away from the sights of the casino to nod in affirmation. The only one that didn’t seem to pay him any mind was K’tai, the ever so skimpily dressed miqo’te who had the attention span of a fish, “Gonna just take that as a yes.”

“Do you mind running that by me again?” K’tai asked as she brushed back her dark crimson hair.

“How many times does this make it K’tai?”

“Look, you speak way too f**** softly and this awful music is giving me a headache,” she said as she let out a growl. K’ could only shrug it off.

“We’re here to find the husband of this rich Limsa merchant and haul his butt back to Limsa. She suspects that he’s been meeting with his mistress here and well...she’s not having anymore of that!”

K’tai grumbled, “Oh great. Why are we doing this again? Didn’t the hunt board have something more...heroic?”

“Well since you guys are like gonna sit here and go over the mission again and again and again and again, I’m gonna make like a chocobo and get going! No sense wasting time!” Ulu said and before K’ could explain who they were looking for, she had sped out of the chair so fast, it was still moving around as he was still opening his mouth to speak. He watched her speed off and shook his head.

“Remember K’tai, the Warrior of Light often had to do menial tasks like fetching water for people, getting involved with children’s little games or handing out uniforms to turncoats--”

“Well they sound like a real simp if they did all of that.”

“We’re getting away from the task at hand. We all agreed to take this job because it paid well. It’s also not very dangerous and after our failed trip into the Lost City of Amdapor, I’m up for less dangerous jobs.”

She took off her hat that she had taken from a trek into Brayflox’s Longstop and scratched her head, “Yeah yeah, fine. Who does this mistress look like?”

K’ reached into his coat and pulled out a picture of a tan roegadyn woman with jet black hair, “This is the mistress. She goes by the name of Falling Star.”

“So apparently he likes them big.”

“Well a roe woman will not be hard to miss at all,” Renault said.

K’ shook his head, “Maybe but the Gold Saucer is a big place, there are a lot of places where people can hide if they want. We should split up and try and find either her or him. Either one will lead us to the other.”

K’tai grumbled, “I guess, this sounds so f**** stupid. Gods, I wish we could go do something more important and impressive. Chasing after a cheater is scraping the bottom of the barrel.”

“It pays the bills and that’s good enough for me. We know who we’re looking for so let’s split up and go look for them. The sooner we catch him and drag him back to Limsa, the faster we get paid.”

“Splendid. I shall take a stroll over to Chocobo Square and start my search there.”

K’tai yawned, “Well...I guess...maybe I’ll go to the Triple Triad area or maybe some other area. I’ll just figure it out,” she said as she pushed away from the table and walked off.

“I just hope she actually looks around. She’s probably gonna just find something that distracts her and that’s that.”

* * *

K’ decided to start in the Event Square. It was a nice wide open area with benches all around and fountains that sent you up to the higher floors but with the large stage area being home to many GATES, it was easy for people to walk around without notice due to the other patrons being distracted by all of the games and a chance to do a GATE and win extra GP. If you wanted to get a secret deal done, doing it while adventurers from all over were flooding the stage in hopes of getting one over on Chupon, was the best option. 

To his annoyance, a GATE was taking place in another part of the casino, meaning the Event Square was pretty quiet. Well as quiet as the place could be with all of the machines lying about and all of the people walking around. He walked over to where some of the Punch a Greg machines lay, walking around them in hopes of running into his quarry but instead he bumped into a pale au ra woman with long lavender hair, adored in a red spring dress, “Oh sorry, I was looking for--”

“Well well, here I was sooo totally bored out of my wits and like my favorite little potato in Eorzea has--”

“Oh buzz off,” he said, cutting Himiko off before she could finish her sentence. She was a rival of his, often competing with them for marks on the hunt board or whatever job they had going on. She somehow had a way of getting involved or being in the area to mess with them.

She bent down to his eye level and attempted to poke him on the nose but he knocked her hand away, “Oh come on sour puss, I know you’re totally happy to see me. What are you up to? It’s so not like you to come to the Gold Saucer for fun, that’s like not your style at all.”

He folded his arms before he started to walk in the other direction, “I am here for fun, well I’m letting the others enjoy themselves while I walk around.”

“So it totally doesn’t have anything to do with searching for a wayward cheater or Falling Star who is totally his mistress, right?”

“I saw that bill on the hunt board but decided it wasn’t worth the trouble.”

Himiko tapped her chin, “So you totally didn’t like visit the woman who posted the bill? Got a description of the man, his mistress and some places where they like to meet, right?”

“Yup. Have fun with that bill,” he said. Hopefully she would get bored and just stop bugging him. He didn’t like that it sounded like she was working on it too, the last thing they needed is for her to stick her scaly nose into it.

“K’, you’re like the worst lying popoto in all of Eorzea. She told me that you were working on it and that I might run into you.”

K’ walked away from the machines as he could hear the Chupon GATE starting up in the center stage. Maybe this would be his chance to run into the two lovers, so long as Himiko goes away. Adventurers and patrons began to flood the area as the GATE was being set up by the Gold Saucer employees, “Yeah well she was wrong.”

“You’re still a very terrible writer, you know? Why don’t you like admit that you’re working on this?”

“Is it your job to stalk me or something?”

Himiko tapped her chin as he tried his best to ignore her. More and more people were beginning to pour into the area, making it that much harder for him to see if he could see either the guy or his mistress. She was a female roe but with all of the people about, that didn’t really make his job that easier.

“My lot in life is to make your life more fun, I think. Totally.”

He looked over his shoulder, “Sounds like you got a pretty terrible roll, have you considered rolling again?”

“You’re totally gonna miss that super tall roe lady right there!”

His eyes began darting around the enormous room, while the music began to blare even louder as Chupon appeared to troll everyone with his little game. He had tried it once or twice and realized it was a bit of a gp sink, opting to never bother with it again, “What, where? I don’t see her at all! Where are you pointing at?”

“Just kidding, she’s not there.”

K’ shot her a dirty look, “I’m not here for your awful jokes, Scales.”

“I’m not here for your insults popoto. Maybe we could totally work on this--”

“Together? Gods no, I’m already splitting this four ways, splitting it five ways is not how I wanted things.”

“You’re as difficult as a cranky opo opo, I thought you wouldn’t mind learning what I know.”

K’ folded his arms, “If you’re in a sharing mood, sure. Don’t expect me to fill your purse with gil though.”

Himiko shrugged, “Maybe I’m like totally doing this out of the goodness of my little scaly heart.”

Why would she do that? They were pretty much rivals, they had competed for many a hunt before, why would she want to help them out just because? There had to be an ulterior motive, he just knew it, “I guess...”

He heard a loud snort as the first group of people were blown off the platform by Chupon’s sneezes. Some people cursed the creature for their poor luck, some stuck around to see who else would get blown off but most of the people just shrugged it off and went back to the other amusements that the casino held, “So I’ve heard that Falling Star may not be what she seems.”

“You heard?”

Himiko nodded, “Well it’s less like I heard and more like I saw. She seems to be rather well off, I followed her to Uldah, where I found her having dinner with some of the rich merchants in the city, I mean even some of the Syndicate were there!”

He raised an eyebrow, “Well...unless she’s a mistress to some high rollers, that is a bit curious.”

“I really doubt she’s a mistress to all of those people. I thought it was curious too. so I decided to do a little more investigating. Guess what I totally found?”

“What?”

“She seems to have quite a few high ranking connections. I found her meeting with some of the high houses in Ishgard and with some of the esteemed families in Gridania. I don’t think this is some simple mistress, I think there is more to this story than meets the eye.”

K’ folded his arms. This could all be true or it’s possible she could be messing with him just for the hell of it. You could never tell with Himiko, “Well that’s all very interesting but...hmm,” he started to say before he noticed Falling Skies. She was hanging on the edges of the room, looking a bit bored. She was dressed rather nicely, far too nice for a mistress to be honest. “There she is, I bet I can get closer--”

“I mean you could totally try but trying to get the drop on her is like kinda tough,” Himiko said.

He ignored her as he passed through the crowds of people as best he could. Being a lalafell made it a little easier to get by undetected, except for the Gold Saucer where there was nothing but a ton of rich lalafells walking about. Lalafells dressed much better than him, causing him to stick out like a sore thumb. He stopped and had to jump out of the way to avoid an absent highlander guy dressed in a sailor shirt and some really bright tights. It was a bit distracting to be honest and he found himself staring off after the guy for a moment but when he looked back to where she was, Falling Skies was gone. He looked around the area, hoping to see where she went but he couldn’t see at all. He stomped over to one of the machines and acted like he was gonna kick it before thinking better about it. One of the bunny girls walked by but he didn’t really care. How had she managed to get away so easily? He hadn’t taken his eyes off her for that long and bam, she was gone!

“I think she was headed toward the Lords of Vermillion area,” Himiko said.

He looked over at her, “Oh that place? I totally forget it even exists.”

She sighed as she shook her head, “You wouldn’t be the first person to say that. I don’t understand why people hate it, you get to play with a ton of minions! How could you resist an army of Fat Cats?”

He rolled his eyes, “I can walk through Limsa and see plenty of Fat Cats just fine. Everyone and their mom has adopted one.”

“Oh c’mon, not everyone has adopted a Fat Cat! Some of them have made Wind-Up Titans, yet others have adopted small--”

“Less talking and more walking! We don’t want to lose track of her!”

* * *

K’ entered the Lords of Vermillion area and found it pretty barren as usual. It had been hyped up as a new attraction for the Gold Saucer but it wasn’t long before patrons complained of it being far too complex to grasp and not that engaging to begin with. He had tried his hand at it a few times and found it kinda fun but without much competition, it wasn’t worth playing. He looked around for Falling Skies but didn’t see her around, “Drat, I hope she didn’t change her mind.”

Himiko looked around as well before walking over to one of the tables, “Maybe she did. Maybe she noticed a little popoto trying to shadow her.”

He folded his arms, “I’m rather good at shadowing people I’ll have you know. I spent some time with the rogue’s guild in Limsa learning that.”

She shrugged, “Ya know, I totally hear people telling me that and then I find out they are like so awful at it. Just the other day a pink haired elezen told me he was an expert at shadowing others, yet I kept catching him trying to do it. He was really awful at it, you could see him...hey, that red haired bunny girl looks awfully familiar.”

He looked over in the direction she was pointing and could see the red haired miqo’te standing by one of the tables, pretending to serve a lalafell couple engaged in a game of Lords of Vermillion. She looked pretty bored doing it and kept staring off in various directions until her eyes met his. He realized it was K’tai, and he decided to walk over to see what she was up to. Normally his eyes might wander seeing a miqo’te dressed in such an outfit but since it was K’tai and she was more dressed than usual, he couldn’t even bat an eye. She looked over at him as he approached and left the table to speak with them, “So just why are you dressed up like this?”

K’tai put a hand on her hip, “It’s called going undercover.”

Himiko looked her over, “So like just how undercover do you plan to go?”

K’tai glared at her, “Gonna pretend I didn’t hear that one.”

K’ shrugged, “Who cares, just tell me what you found out.”

K’tai looked over at the lalafell couple who didn’t seem to have noticed she left, “Well I was asking around about her, seeing if anyone knew anything about her, like how often she came to the Gold Saucer, what kind of attractions did she often visit, things like that. I haven’t gotten much traction though, people seem to just clam up!”

Himiko sighed, “Well it’s not like she has a lot of totally high...wait that came out wrong.”

“What this doofus meant to say is that Falling Skies has a lot of friends in high places. We’re talking rich merchants, members of the Syndicate, people from the high houses of Ishgard, I think you get the idea.”

K’tai nodded as he kept firing off the names and then she shook her head, “So asking around might have just made our job harder. Like how was I supposed to know this?! You think I’m some sort of bloody f**** primal that can scan your thoughts?”

He rolled his eyes, “Calm down cat. First off the information came from Himiko and I didn’t want to trust her. Second...uhh, well we just didn’t run into you earlier to fill you in.”

K’tai looked at him and then at Himiko, before looking at him again, “Wait wait, since when did the two of you start actually working together?”

“I’m tolerating her presence.”

“We’re totally working together, he’s just being his usual self.”

“My usual self would have told you to get lost already--”

“You sure are being really ungrateful for this information I have so willingly shared with you,” she said. He wanted to argue back but man did that sound like a compelling statement. Without that little tidbit of info, they’d be up the slopes of O’Ghomoro without a map. Of course he still wasn’t sure if he could trust her but so far this was all they had so far. If it turned out she had mislead them, he’d ask Renault if he knew of any curses in his books.

“Fine, fine. We’re working together for now.”

K’tai frowned, “Well...I guess. Does that mean that creep Itrex is close behind?”

Himiko giggled, “Oh him? No no, he’s out in Ishgard, having to attend some special function with his family. He wanted to come, said this function was gonna be totally boring and all but he had to go so--”

“And R’xie?” K’tai asked. To be honest, if the blue haired moon miqo’te had opted to show up instead of Himiko, he wouldn’t have minded one bit but that was way too much to ask.

“Busy, couldn’t come help. Luckily I’m here!” Himiko said, causing K’ to just sigh in defeat.

“So what do we do now? If word got out that we’ve been asking around about her, she might high tail it out of here!”

“There is still the husband. I doubt she’s met up with him yet. If she had, she would have left already. She’s probably still searching for him, we can try and find him first before we catch her,” he said.

“I guess it’s worth a shot. If I run into the others, I’ll let them know,” K’tai said. “I’ll let the two of you work together on finding the husband.”

He felt like rolling his eyes as K’tai walked off, “You know, we should totally pretend to be a c--”

“Nope,” he said, cutting her off before she could finish her thought. He already knew what she was getting at and he wasn’t having it.

“Everyone totally knows that we dislike each other, wouldn’t it throw everyone for a loop if we pretended otherwise?”

He looked at her with an annoyed look, “No.”

“You’re more difficult than a pair of Myotragus billies in heat.”

He slapped his face and let out a groan, “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K' and Himiko meet up with Renault and Ulu, learning a bit more about this case. Does he have it in him to handle the hyperactive Ulu?

“Ahhh it’s good to see that you made it over here. I’ve been watching the chocobo races for the past hour and it is thoroughly enlightening. You can learn so much by watching them,” Renault said as he looked away from the duo to return his attention back to the races. K’ couldn’t believe he had been sitting here for an hour, just watching the races. Did no one seem to care about the job? “I know what you’re thinking, why I’m not caring about the job at hand.”

“Well it may have passed my mind, I guess.”

“That is not entirely true. I have been here for an hour but I’ve also been listening in on the conversations going around me. It’s pretty easy when I stand taller than most and they can’t really tell that I’m even eavesdropping. I’ve heard a few juicy little things.”

His eyes grew big, “Well, feel free to share, I am all ears...way down here.”

“Yeah like totally way down there.”

He shot Himiko a dirty look, “Well first off, I heard some of the patrons talking about a man, a man that looked just like the unfaithful husband we’ve been trying to track down. They said he rather frazzled and worried, kept mentioning something about some jewelry.”

“Jewelry? Well that’s interesting, I wonder who the jewelry is for? Is it for his new roe squeeze or is there totally another girl in the mix?”

K’ groaned, “Gods please, if there is another woman mixed in with this, I’m gonna go hug Sabotuer--”

“Wouldn’t it be like totally wise to let him finish?”

Renault cleared his throat, “From what I was hearing, the jewelry seemed to be a special someone but he never specified if it was for his wife or not. He was asking around if anyone had seen Falling Skies but someone had mentioned that she had departed for Limsa.”

K’ snapped his fingers, “Gods, of course she would slip through our fingers like that!”

“Why not like totally hire some Doman ninjas--”

“I’m looking for realistic ideas here, not insane ones.”

Himiko stomped her foot, “Hey hey, I totally know a Doman ninja. We grew up together back in that area. She’s not the greatest of ninjas but she knows a thing or two about tracking others down. Plus she totally owes me.”

K’ shook his head, “That means just one more thing we owe you for. You are the last au ra in the world that I want to owe favors too!”

She smiled, “Oh it’s not so bad. Did you have any bright ideas?”

He folded his arms as he looked away. Way to put a lala on the spot right now, “No but give me a few and I could have come up with something.”

“All the while Falling Skies is slipping away from your grasp and you’re no closer to solving this than the Eorzea Alliance is from kicking the Imperials out for good!”

“While I don’t hold my colleague’s disgust with you, you have been a rival for our group for quite some time. I find it just a tad curious that you are so eager to help us out now.”

Himiko giggled, “Well it’s true that we have been rivals for the longest of times but since some of my partners are lately being caught up in other things that don’t involve chasing down hunts, I’m a little short on help these days so--”

“You turn to your most heated rivals? I don’t get the logic.”

“You seem more worried about me than the actual case! Maybe you totally like me being around?”

K’ shook his head as he looked over at Renault, “Thanks. Did you learn anything else so far?”

“Alas I have not. I have learned that the fat chocobo is a force of nature when you put some food in front of it though. I have won quite a few bets by going with the chubby bird.”

“I could have told you that! Well...Himiko, just where in Thal’s marketplace is your ninja friend?”

She winked, “Well, we’re gonna have to leave the Gold Saucer and travel out to Black Brush Station, she was working out there, trying to track down some bandits.”

He didn’t like this one bit. She could be leading him into a trap, a trap that he would never escape from. She could also be really trying to help and what she said earlier about her partners being too busy to help could also be true. He didn’t know what to think but he knew he was still a little curious about her reasoning. “Well, Renault, you and K’tai keep looking around here for that husband. If you find him, squeeze all the information you can out of him. I’m gonna find Ulu and then go with Himiko to Black Brush.”

“I don’t exactly look forward to using force to get the truth out of him.”

“Leave it to K’tai then. Just make sure you get her riled up before then, she really can get some information out of some tight lips after that.”

Himiko laughed, “Just how would you like get her riled up?”

“Not telling.”

* * *

Finding Ulu was a lot easier than it seemed. He had a feeling she had sampled some of the Manderville cookies, known around for being some of the sweetest cookies you would ever taste. It was known for making eaters of the cookies to drop onto their knees and praise the name of Manderville for the treats. He had never tried them personally but going off of the reactions of those who had eaten them, it was quite the experience.

Ulu was bouncing from machine to machine, trying each one to see which one would award her the most gp out of all of them and it was a sight to see. He had never seen her bounce around so quickly before, not since they had wandered into a flock of lost lambs and she kept trying to pick out the cutest one to take home, “Is it totally just me or is a Fat Cat following her around?”

K’ had noticed it, though it looked a bit different, it was orange and seemed to have stripes on its sides. He hadn’t seen a cat like that before, perhaps it came from a different area? Still it followed her around like a little puppy, even though she wasn’t dropping crumbs or even food. Just why was this version of a Fat Cat so intent on following her. He snapped his fingers three times and Ulu stopped mid game and looked over her shoulder, “Oh hi hi hi! When did you two just show up all of a sudden?”

“We’ve been standing here for a few minutes, watching you?”

Ulu’s eyes grew big, “W-watching me? You mean you act like those creepy people who sit in Limsa and just people watch all day? They’ll even follow you around if they like you enough! Speaking of which, one time I saw this hyur and she had on the most absolute fabbest outfit--”

“Ulu, you’re getting off the subject.”

She looked at him confused before the light bulb went off in her head, “The subject? Oh right, wait what was the subject? You never told me what it was, you just snapped your fingers!”

“Have you learned anything about the husband or Falling Skies?”

She tapped her chin in thought for a moment, “Well...let me think Silver head, I do remember bumping into the husband. He looked so out of sorts, like he had grabbed the wrong map and was frantically trying to find the right one. Speaking of maps, this lala salesman sold me this map of the Sunken Temple of Qarn, I think we should totally explore it. Now what was I saying? Oh, right, the husband said that he had bought some jewelry for his wife--”

“Wait wait wait. He said he bought some jewelry for his wife?”

Ulu nodded, “Yup!”

“I don’t get it, is he trying to keep it a surprise for his wife or something?”

Ulu nodded again, “Yup yup, I think it’s some really really shiny jewelry, like the kind you would get from Rowena from running the Amdapor Keep gauntlet over and over and over and over again. Oh that reminds me of this song I heard the Songbirds that went Forward and Back. Or was it Back and Forwards? I think--”

“We are going to have to monitor your sugar intake,” he said, “Still if this is true, it’d explain why he was being so secretive. Maybe Falling Skies is an expert jeweler?”

“Maybe, I didn’t get that out of him though, we’d have to go an ask her! On another note, why are you and Himiko working together?”

“It’s a temporary alliance for now. Once we’re done with this hunt, she’ll go back to her pals and we’ll go back to being enemies.”

“You mean frienemies?” Ulu asked and he shook his head, “Oh come on, you have to admit that the two of look cute together. Speaking of cute, that reminds me of this super sweet lalafell couple I ran into—er what was I talking about again?”

He slapped his forehead and sighed, “How you are gonna come with the two of us to Black Brush station to meet with a friend of Himiko’s who can track down Falling Skies for us.”

* * *

Ulu coughed a few times as the wind blasted them with sand as they arrived at the dusty old Black Brush Station. It used to serve as a stop for the trains that served the nearby mines but now served as a stop for new adventurers who came from Uldah and also to weary travelers who had attempted to take on the nearby Cutter’s Cry and had failed miserably. They had tried it a few times but never got far thanks to the overwhelming amount of ants that lived there. “I hate the sand so much, its sandy and it gets everywhere.”

“Did you just call sand...sandy?” K’ asked and Ulu nodded.

“Well isn’t it sand so wouldn’t it be sandy? I prefer the sand on the beaches of Costa de Sol, it’s a less sandy beach and it’s sunny and you have the ocean--”

“How is the sand in Costa de Sol less sandy than here...on second thought, don’t answer that,” he said as he looked over at Himiko, who had wandered to the edges of the station. He walked over to her and tapped her on the leg.

“Are you waiting for your friend?”

“Totally, I let her know that we were coming and she said she is on her way but that was like an hour ago. She should totally be here by now!”

He looked down the road which led to that giant rock structure known as the Unholy Heir which was home to a ton of giant frogs that were insanely annoying to deal with, “Well there has been news of bandits roaming the roads as of late.”

“Well what about the Brass Blades? Like aren’t they supposed to be the police here?” Ulu asked.

“The Brass Blades are more corrupt than the local bandits!”

“I mean how corrupt are we talking about? That reminds me that this one guard in Horizon who was really corrupt, I mean he would charge little old roegadyn ladies to cross the road!”

K’ and Himiko exchanged confused looks, “I’m gonna pretend that I get what you’re talking about.”

“Totally.”

K’ pulled out his greatsword and examined it for a moment, “Well I say we go out there to see if she came across any trouble. You never know what is out there.”

“Oh is it time for Mr Big Knife?” Ulu asked as stars formed in her eyes.

“It’s a greatsword.”

Ulu tilted her head to the side, “Isn’t it too small to be considered a sword? I mean it’s as big as an Au Ra’s fork! Oh that reminds me of this time I went to this restaurant in Limsa, there was this guy Au Ra there and he had the biggest knife you had ever seen! I mean his knife was as big as the entire body of a lalafell, it was so crazy to see! I half expected him to turn around and skewer me with it!”

“Could you...summon ruby carbuncle? We might need his help.”

Ulu put her hands on what could be considered her hips, even though lalafells had no hips whatsoever, “Just Ruby? Why don’t you want my help too?”

“As long as you can focus on the fight and not get distracted by other things.”

“I can focus on the fight! When have I never concentrated on a fight?”

“Well there was that time we accidentally ran into that giant spriggan and we would have killed him but you kept getting distracted by all of the smaller spriggans walking around--”

“But there were so cute! How do you expect me to resist them?”

“Then there was that other time you thought you the Fire Elemental was looking at you wrong and--”

“Well it was!”

“So are the two of you totally done arguing with each other? I want to find my friend!”

K’ nodded, “Oh...right, sorry. Let’s get going then.”

“Wow, you totally got told by Himiko!”

“I didn’t get told by her at all. Now can we get going?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K' discovers that Thanalan has sand, miqo'te men are cats with a dirty mind and that making deals with Au Ra women is a horrible idea.

They hurried over to the Unholy Heir as fast as they could, delayed a bit by the fact that neither of them could actually keep up with Himiko since her strides were as long as their entire bodies. She didn’t hesitate to poke a little fun at him and he made him wish he could grab her by the tail and toss her into some cactuars. They reached the edge of the cliffs that overlooked the pool of water that surrounded the giant rock structure, filled with those awful giant toads. They had a terrible habit of using their long tongues to yank you off your mount and into the water where they can try and kill you. One of them had tried it once and he hacked its tongue right off before killing it.

“I totally don’t see her or anyone else around here. I wonder what’s up?”

“What does this ninja friend of yours look like? Is she another Au Ra?”

Himiko nodded, “Yes she is, she’s a raen but she’s a very nice person. She has like dark blue skin and often is clothed from head to toe in light clothes.”

Ulu tapped her chin, “Those sound like pajamas. Do all ninjas dress in pajamas? That reminds me of this time we were shopping in Uldah and I found these clothes that looked like pajamas but the merchant told me that they were clothes for a ninja! I thought that was the weirdest thing...” Ulu said but he couldn’t hear the tail end of her derailing as he began to walk around the area to see if he could see anything out of the blue. Apart from the usual creatures that roamed this area, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, at first. It was then he noticed a group of cactuars sitting close to the water’s edge. He found that just a bit odd because usually the cactuars didn’t come close to the water, except once in a blue moon. He pulled out his sword as he got closer to the cactuars. He grabbed a nearby rock and flung it at the closest cactuar he could reach. It smacked the top of the cactuar and he heard a guy cry out in pain, “Oww!”

“Oww? Since when does a cactuar talk? Show yourselves!” K’ said, loud enough in hopes that Himiko and Ulu would hear. The cactuar stood up, shedding its disguise to reveal a well tanned miqo’te male, dressed from head to toe in skimpy subligar. He brushed aside some of his silver hair as he smiled at him, “I really don’t appreciate the look you’re giving me.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize we get to see stripper boys! Remember that time we walked into the Quicksand in Uldah and--”

“That’s enough Ulu.”

Himiko cleared her throat, “Just who are you? My friend was working out here, what have you done to her?”

The guy chuckled as he put his hand on his hip, “Well well, a pair of sweet desert flowers like you two shouldn’t be out here in a dangerous place like this.”

“Desert Flowers? Do you mean like the Desert Saffron? That’s a totally pretty flower and it makes a wonderful tea--”

“Ulu!” K’ said as he stomped his foot on the ground. Could she try and focus on...actually he would prefer she not focus too hard on him because it would just really distract her.

“Where is Saya?” Himiko asked.

“Saya? Is this yet another beautiful desert flower?”

K’ rolled his eyes, “So I guess the other cactuars are more of your hairball buddies?”

“A gentleman never tells his secrets--” he started to say before he was forced to jump out of the way as Himiko tried to hit him with a fire spell. K’ looked over at her and was a bit surprised at how mad she looked. Usually she’d be smiling or joking around a bit but she was not playing around now. Saya must have really been important to her, “So fiery, I wonder if you’re that way in bed.”

“I’ll burn it off if you totally don’t tell me where she is.”

“So feisty, I like it! I don’t really know what happened to your scaly friend but I’m sure--”

“How do you know she’s an au ra? Neither of us mentioned it at all,” K’ asked. The catboy’s eyes grew wide when he realized he made a misstep but he was back to his jovial look again.

“I have to admit, she was a real feisty one too and she knew a thing or two but we were able to subedue her. I kind of like it when they fight back--”

“You’re like mega creepy.”

“Roly Poly, I choose you!”

K’ looked over his shoulder, wandering why the hell Ulu said that but he soon has his answer as the odd looking Fat Cat that kept following her around, suddenly rolled by them at a rapid speed, almost hitting the miqo’te before smacking into the other oddly placed cactuars, which turned out to be more scantly clad miqo’te guys. Why couldn’t they be girls? Of course he wasn’t about to say that aloud to anyone. Still he liked that she had gotten some results out of it, “I guess we’ll just have to beat the truth out of ya.”

“Do you always take on such a hands on approach?” He said as he flashed a toothy grin at K’. He wanted nothing more than to wipe that grin off his face.

“Don’t worry, Bubblegum Carbuncle will do the job!” Ulu said and he saw her summon a pink carbuncle. He wasn’t sure if the pink one was any different from the ruby one but he’d just ask later. She probably did something silly like ask her carbuncle to turn pink. The miqo’te man pulled out a pair of daggers and leapt at K’ but he parried them with his own greatsword.

“You know what they say about popotos and big swords?”

“Yes the giant knife line? I’ve heard it already.”

“Oh big boy, that’s not what--”

“Gods man, does every line from you have to drip with innuendo! I’m gonna dump you into the icey cold lakes of Coerthas!”

The miqo’te man smiled as he licked his lips, “Sounds like even more fun--”

K’ pushed him away as he brandished his sword in front of him, “So just what are you up to? Are you just a bunch of no good thugs out to cause trouble for travelers?”

The miqo’te man chuckled, “Now that my dear popoto would be selling us short. We are not just some thugs, we were hired here to take out some pesky adventurers causing our client some trouble.”

That caused him to pause, “Your client? Who is your client?”

“Now now my little popoto, that would be telling.”

K’ glared at him, “You better start answering now! I don’t have a lot of patience for you,” he said as he called forth a sphere of dark magic. He flung it at the miqo’te as hard as he could, expecting him to block it with either his daggers or some other method. He followed after the magic but as he ran along, he kicked up a bunch of dust, stirring up a large enough cloud of dust that could let him slip by the miqo’te. Sure enough he blocked the magic but didn’t notice him slip right between his legs and to his back. K’ turned around and smacked him in the back with the broad side of his sword, knocking him to the ground as he pointed his sword at his back, “Now then, you were gonna answer my questions.”

“You fight dirty, even for a lalafell.”

K’ rested his sword on his tiny shoulders, “I’ll take that as a compliment, I think.”

“Look, like I said before, we’re just doing what my client wanted. She had her eyes on some rare gem or something she discovered out here in a nearby cave but was afraid of competition so she hired us to guard it!”

Well in an area close to Uldah, there would be lots of competition for precious stones. There was no shortage of rich merchants that would either love to corner the market on it or have it for themselves to show off, “Okay so maybe your story is just a little believeable but what about the ninja?”

“Oh she was real feisty but we captured her and left her in a nearby cave. We thought she was being a little too snoopy so we had to get her out of the way.”

“So just who is your--”

“I would prefer that you not rough up my hired help any further,” a woman’s voice said and K’ looked over to see Falling Skies standing not too far away from the skirmish. He sighed as he walked over to her and folded his arms.

“Sorry lady but we are trying to get to the bottom of this case--”

“Yes your case, I’ve heard about that.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, “How would you know about that? Wait, never mind, that was posted on a public board.”

She sighed, “Yes it was and don’t think for a second I didn’t notice you and your friends snooping about,” she said with a sneer. He shrugged it off.

“You might not like it but some of us got to eat and we aren’t some rich as--”

“Well whatever. I would prefer it that you stop sticking your nose into this.”

K’ shrugged as Ulu walked up to them, “So are we like done fighting? I’m tried of pastel carbuncle getting dirty.”

“Wait, wasn’t it just pink a little while ago?”

Ulu nodded, “Yes but haven’t you heard the slogan taste the rainbow? I’m letting carbuncle get in touch with all the colors. How else will she know what’s the best color if she doesn’t sample them all? Remember that time--”

“We’ll discuss that later,” he said as he looked back at Falling Skies, “So is it true the hubby was just trying to get his wife something really fancy and was just hiding it?”

She nodded, “Yes, he’s been meeting with me to check on the progress of the jewelry. It was an entire set and it was made using that gem I had discovered. We keep meeting so I could give him progress on it but I can see why it might look suspicious.”

“So does that mean we can get paid?”

“I already told him to tell his wife since it looked like she had gotten just a tad suspicious.”

“Posting on the hunt board is a tad suspicious?”

Falling Skies shrugged, “I have to be honest, I didn’t expect that sort of response out of her. Maybe there is a prior history there or something.”

“Darn well has to be if she did that.”

Ulu giggled, “I bet he’s got that wandering eye. K’ has it bad too, especially when he sees pretty girl miqo’te--”

“My eyes do not wander.”

“Oh don’t even lie K’. Your eyes wander so fast when you see a miqo’te walk by, especially if she’s cute. That reminds me when you thought you ran into a miqo’te girl and you totally tried to be smooth but then you realized it was Himi--”

“That’s enough of that!” K’ said as he stomped his foot as hard as he could, which wasn’t much. Falling Skies watched this exchange and just shook her head.

“I’m partly amazed that you three get anything done but it seems you did, somehow.”

K’ shrugged. He could have argued that it was more like four of them and Himiko did her own thing but he didn’t feel like arguing that now. For one, he already looked a bit bad trying to argue it out with Ulu and as much as he hated it, Himiko had helped them out, “The popoto is a bit rough around the edges--”

“Hey, where the hell is that ninja you guys tied up?”

“You could always just ask nicely.”

K’ just glared at him over his shoulder, “This is me asking nicely.”

The miqo’te man chuckled, “I see. Well Falling Skies is giving me the look a n ahriman gives you before it’s over, so I’ll just mosey on over there and free your scaly friend. Didn’t know you were so into au ra women,” he said with a wink. K’ wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off his face but that would have to wait for another time.  Himiko sighed.

“Well I’m going with him to make sure she’s okay. If they so much as hurt her--”

“Try not to be too violent with him.”

She smiled, “Oh so now you’re showing concern for me--”

“I’m not showing you jack! Now buzz off!”

“Oh so now you’re just trying to be coy with me.”

He could only slap his forhead as Ulu giggled.

* * *

K’tai grumbled as she stared at her share of the money, “What a boring f**** case, I would have rather taken a cat nap.”

K’ shrugged, “Well it wasn’t hard money to earn but I kinda expected more. I mean c’mon,  he was just trying to conceal some exclusive jewelry he was buying for his wife? I need more than that.”

He felt someone poke him in the side but he didn’t even bother to look to see who it was, “You just hate romance K’,  you never get it either but it’s totally--”

“Yeah whatever,” he said as he cut Himiko off.

“Well unless you have another job for us lined up at the moment, I’m gonna go relax for a bit. You know how to reach me,” K’tai said before she pocketed her share and walked off. He didn’t know just where she kept it to be honest but he never felt like asking either.

Renault chuckled, “Do not worry, I’ll make sure to keep tabs on our skimpy red haired friend to ensure she doesn’t go off to somewhere dangerous.”

K’ nodded, “Yeah well she seems to like to saunter off to Upper La Noscea and Outer as well.  Especially Outer, I don’t know why but I think there is a secluded area out there she enjoys staying at. So long as she doesn’t land in jail or something, I could care less.”

“I will most likely be in Limsa, studying with some of the arcanists. I find their arts fascinating and would like to learn more.”

K’ grabbed his mug of beer and drank some of it, “ I mean you realize that some of their spells involve  inflicting nasty ailments on a person. Miasama fills the lungs with a choking poison and  energy drain pulls the blood out--”

“Yes, I’m quite aware of that,” Renault said as he leaned on the table, “Which is why I suggest not angering Ulu too much since she out of all of us has an aptitude for the arcane arts.”

K’ casted a wary look at Ulu, who just waved at him, “Oh I’m not totally like that. I think...well there was that time someone poked fun at my carbuncle for being pink or something.  I was so mad that I... wait maybe it was that time when that pair of roe pirates tried to capture carbuncle and--”

“I think I get the idea. Ulu, where are you off to?”

Ulu tapped her cheek, “Oh well...speaking of off, I need to remember  that...oh wait, never mind, we already did that. I don’t know where I’ll head off to,  I think I may go to Gridania for a bit. I want to go ask the elementals there  about why all of the  hunters get to walk around clear and free but if we so much as step on a plant, they try to bring their wrath upon us.”

K’ and Himiko shared a confused look, “Why would you even ask them that?”

Ulu shrugged, “I don’t know, it just came to my head and it made me think. Don’t you have those moments where a random thought comes to your head, like a tonberry sneaking up from behind and stabbing you? Well that thought came from behind and stabbed me with its dagger of  ideas.”

“I don’t have those moments.”

“Isn’t Himiko entitled to a share of the money? She did assist us in solving the case,” Renault said. K’ shook his head.

“She offered her help voluntarily, she doesn’t get a cut. That’s not how things work.”

“That seems just a tad harsh if you ask me. I would think after--”

“Tough luck I say.”

H imiko giggled, “Don’t worry, he talks a really tough game but we came to an agreement on how he can pay me back.”

Ulu bounced in her chair, “ Oh really? How did he agree to pay you back? I totally want to hear this!”

“Oh it’s totally a secret. He actually insisted on just giving me my share but I like this method much better. I know deep down, he’ll totally like it too, won’t you K’?”

He folded his arms, “Nope.”


End file.
